http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl Blood bowl league RSS feed en-EN http://www.rssboard.org/rss-specification Sat, 19 May 2012 02:07:32 -0500 OBBLM 0.91 Confusion reigned in the Cabaret dugout. Throughout the first half the Cabaret could not maintain focus. Coaches fought on the sidelines, conflicting orders where given and oportunities were lost in the fray. Seemingly unaware of the approaching end of the first half, the Cabaret left barely left in position to score. Having forced themselves into a pass play for lack of time, the ball was fumbled, which allowed the Screaming balls to pick up a second touchdown. At the close of the second half the score was 2-1 Balls, with the rats set to receive at the top of the second half. Down three to one at the opening of the second quarter, the Cabaret switched gears. After realizing the contract wizard could not actually be used after a kickoff, the order to fire was give for maximum casualties. After the fireball, the Cabaret were out for blood. Zoe Jakes squared off with Rogre, sending Rogre to the bin along with a score of his teamates; including Pepe Dirtae who had previously fouled Jakes. Despite the resulting touchdown, a drive in which Dr. Neilsgaard actually managed to pick-up the ball, the sudden tide of blood was to no avail. Rather than attempting another one turn score, the Screaming Balls retreated to the backfield, leaving the Cabaret unable to make a last ditch effort at victory. Spiraling expenses recorded. http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-05-18 00:08:01 (BBP) Grace And Fire Look To Rebuild Team reaction to the 3-0, 6 casualty, 3 niggling injury playoff disaster was mixed. "We're going to fire every useless fucker that failed to block," Captain Jolie of the Fair Winds said in an unprepared statement shortly after stalking off the pitch. She was sporting a brand new pair of sparkling leather Boots Of Speed, leading to some rumors that she has been spending team earnings on personal gear. "What the Captain meant," said Scuzz Wordbender, team spokescritter, "was that we are investing heavily in our future. Pending results of league awards, we are hoping to improve our basic skills at ball handing, tackling, and foot speed. We look forward to the challenge ahead, and will meet them as a team." "Well, most of us will," said Jolie, before summarily firing Scuzz. http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-05-11 11:52:50 Tonight, the Midnight Marauders delivered a thorough trouncing to the freshman Chaos Pact team, Grace and Fire. Shutting the Chaos out 3-0 and causing a team record of 6 casualties, the Marauders were understandably jubilant. The victory marks the third time that the team will be going to the DMBBL semi-finals; a feat unmatched by any other team in the league. Thanks to newly appointed Head Coach Lucius Soulgrinder's understanding of the player dynamics, the match saw several new and unheard of plays. Key to these new plays were Blitzer Menghil the Mangler, Lilith Broodkiller, and the Witch Elf Asherah. Broodkiller was definitely the front and center of Soulgrinder's plays, making several key blocks, frustrating the Chaos Pact's offense, and scoring a touchdown. So impressed were the fans that they unanimously stormed the commentator's booth and forced them to elect Broodkiller as MVP for the match. Broodkiller, also known as "The Iron Maiden," is the only remaining lineelf from the original Midnight Marauders lineup, and one of the last four original players. Not to be overshadowed, Asherah the Witch Elf proceeded to delight the fans with a record smashing 5 casualties! However, while the Marauders operated like a finely tuned wrecking machine, Soulgrinder admitted a grudging respect for his opponents "They are impressive. They've managed to cobble together a team of outcasts and misfits and turn them into a team that had a fantastic first season. Good for them. Better for us that they lost, but still; good for them." When asked about Jolie of the Fair Winds, Soulgrinder was quoted as saying "She's good. Maybe even Marauder material. If she ever becomes a free agent, I'll definitely hire her on in a heartbeat." A little known fact about Jolie is that she was slated to be in the second round for the Dark Elf draft, and that the Marauders had their eye on her as a potential lineman. However, due to a triple fratricide that she committed without her father's permission, Jolie fled to the seas to start a life as a corsair. It wasn't long until she was hired by Grace and Fire while she was ashore in the northern territories of the Old World. http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-05-10 23:23:14 "Those assholes! I gave them specific instructions!" Jolie fumed. "They were supposed to KILL the useless marauders, not just badly hurt them. "Last time I try to bribe a damn Dark Elf. Should have just ensorcelled them all." (full report coming later. Spiraling expenses 'recorded' for G+F.) http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-05-10 22:30:54 spiraling expenses recorded by both teams. http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-05-06 14:47:25 MJF Spiraling Expenses Recorded. SaB SE recorded... Congrats to the Suns-a-Bitch, who won a thrilling overtime victory. http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-05-05 21:58:59 Ironforge Mountaineers spiralling expenses paid http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-04-27 01:52:17 The Cabaret were off to a quick start, with Rachel Brice running in the first touchdown on turn three; but the Stalkers were not going to lay down without a fight. Lining up again, Dr. Nielsgaard was sent to the infirmary as the Stalkers pushed down the sideline. A brief scrum ensued, including a blatant foul attempt on Zoe Jakes, which landed a Stalker beastman in the penalty box. Angered by the incident, a combination of Jakes, Brice and Seville were able to spring the ball and put Jakes in the end zone by the final Cabaret turn of the half. The Stalkers, knowing the would not score in a single turn, lined up to put a hurt on; and a hurtin they did go. Giapetto and Niccolo hit the bone pile for the rest of the match and the whistle was blown. With Pinocchio still unable to shuffle himself out of the KO box, the Cabaret lined up with seven players to the Stalker nine. Things looked to be headed south as Tinkerbell was tossed into the KO bin on the opening turn. Anar Ashyh Paos'y raced down the sidelines with a beastman in support, but was smashed out of bounds by a frenzied Brice. Fans tossed the ball back into the midfield where Scruf'mulgor pressed the number advantage and retrieved the ball for a touchdown. Sensing the gravity of the moment, a few rotten brain cells fired in the minds of Pinocchio and Tinkerbell causing them to shuffle out of the KO bin and onto the field. Jakes and Seville managed to plant Zeflegor in the KO bin at the start of the drive, then broke out into the Stalker backfield. Palmer cut right, attempting to plant the ball in the waiting hands of Jakes, but fumbled the attempt. All hell broke loose next. Both teams scrambled for the ball, which changed hands twice. Finally, it was a decisive hit by Brice, with the aid of Palmer, which put the last Stalker threat on the pitch. A couple token rounds of "can't score, MUST SMASH!!!" Ensued, though no lasting injuries were produced. Spiraling Expenses recorded. http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-04-26 22:06:39 During a friendly scrimmage with the Roaring Rabbits today, Nurgle Imperium was bombarded by illegal wizardry that resulted in Team Captain Clark Khent getting hopelessly charbroiled and Filthus Maximus sent to the slime pools for an intense session of mucus therapy. Team Plagueomancers were unable to salvage the remains of the valiant Khent, or rather not enough of him to keep him effective. Instead they were able to combine the remains with a few other rotter parts to bring NI fans a "new and probably slightly less improved" Clark Khent. In other news, Roaring Rabbit star player Christa Speck was so horrified with the foul magics used on the helpless Clark Khent that she pledged her body and soul to the Imperiums Rosters. When asked what prompted her selfless sacrifice, Imperium Warrior Dissen Tarry responded, "My Left Boot." http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-04-25 19:55:34 Breaking News! The Nurgle Imperium has killed famed Superstar Christa Speck! In the most dirty and underhanded of moves, the coach of the Imperium seeing no way to pull out a victory, sent his team fouling Miss Speck in the last seconds of regulation play! So distraught were Christa's teammates that they were not even able to reclaim the body of their fallen Super Star. The game itself was a brutal affair. Luckily the Rabbits came prepared with extra apothecaries and Bloodweiser babes, the latter being the deciding factor in the game. At one point the Rabbits only had 3 players on the pitch and in an effort to equalize things a Wizard (some say paid by the Roaring Rabbits....) tossed a fireball on the pitch, knocking Filthus Maximus and Clark Khent out of the game. Clark may not recover from his injuries.... The Rabbits and Nurgle Imperium are still waiting on League Offices to determine if they will make it into the playoffs. --Spiraling Expenses Recorded-- http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-04-25 18:18:26 (BPP) Grace And Fire Continue Winning Ways into Post-Season Head coach Jolie was frustrated with her own efforts in Thursday's win over The Crying Game, but satisfied with her team's effort. "We put on a good show and crushed a lot of skulls. I guess if you call that Blood Bowl then we're doing okay, but I feel we can score a lot more." The team is tooling up for a post-season match-up, likely against arch-rivals The Midnight Marauders. In preparation the Press Room distributed the following brag sheet: "Grace And Fire is happy to announce its first-ever trip into the Dorka Morka league post-season. Team highlights this season: * Biggest star: Stump, with 30 SPP on the season. * Top basher: Blookums, with a 3/5/0 breakdown on casualties. * Top killer: Krakuf, with 2 kills. * Leading scorer: Korben Honorhunter, with 5 TDs. * Star passer: War, 14 CPs. * Best All-Round: Jolie, with stats in three major categories (4 TDs, 9 CPs, and 1 CAS). * Fan Favorite: Stump, 3 MVPs. * Rising Stars: Arrogance (4 TD, 2 CAS); Plague (2 TD, 1 CAS); Famine (3 CAS) http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-04-20 10:41:59 Laminated Stadium -- It was a slaughter-filled Blood-stravaganza tonight as the hapless Crying Game found itself unable to stop rising stars Grace and Fire with score or blocking. Grace and Fire, hot off a frustrating tie against the slippery elves of Vharuan's Blades, came in the heavy favorites, and so the stadium owner slid a few extra bucks under the table to Steve, the coach of the norseman to even things out. The crowd was slanted slightly in favor of the Chaos Pact team. On a shopping spree, Steve retained the services of a pair of magic-men traveling together: an apothecary, and a wizard. Sadly both would prove to be more buck than bang. He also hired a saboteur to sneak into the Grace and Fire locker room and grease the gloves of team captain Jolie of the Fair Winds, leading to hilarity later on, and purchased a highly questionable cocktail to feed catcher Mimi Marks. Grace and Fire elected to receive, and the Chaos Pact wasted no time decimating the ranks. Arrogance, relegated to line duty to deal with the skilled norse linemen, made short work of Roz Kaveney, sending her out for the rest of the game. Krakuf, invigorated by the promise of extra training if he excelled before the playoffs, pasted Amande Lepore on the opening block. The wandering Apothecary weighed in, but his only action was to shake his head sadly; this one was beyond saving. On the other side of the line, a third Norseman was KO'd and carried off holding his head. Meanwhile War, chafing at her role as passer, lost focus and was unable to get the ball off the pitch after a deep kick, while Jolie looked on in frustration. Immediately down, The Crying Game called in the artillery. A lightning bolt from the wandering Wizard felled War, but was unable to significant injure the marauder. Jolie, tasked with retrieving the ball, discovered the sabotage of her gloves, and crippled by Butterfingers ran back to the line to block. Mimi Marks revealed her unsavory cocktail, and proceeded to buzz around the pitch, to no great effect. The Pact opened up a counterattack, with the big shaggy Pete Burns receiving a tremendous block from Krakuf. When the dust cleared, both Ogre and Werewolf were down, but only Burns had to be carried off; he was not seen again, but sources indicate he will survive without injury. Mimi Marks, hot on the juice, blitzed through dangerous striker Arrogance, and Dil the blue Yhetee stepped up into the action. Chad Michaels jumped up and pulled down Anger, but a tag-team of blitzers was unable to even annoy big Blookums the Chaos Minotaur. Grace and Fire took advantage of the slow start, with Korben knocking Dil to his knees, and Blookums KO'ing another lineman. War continued to have trouble picking up the ball, her hands perhaps coated with a faint trace of whatever had caused Jolie's troubles. With some determination she managed to dish the ball to the speedy Ignorance, who sprinted up field behind a mixed field of defenders. Stump, the Chaos Troll, decided that blocking looked hard, and stared into space. With this opening, Mark blitzed in and slammed a shoulder into the lead blocker--captain Jolie. The latter, her pride injured more than her body, stalked archly to the Injury box, where she remained the rest of the game. "This one's a laugher, boys," she said. "You can handle it without me and my cursed gloves." Gil rose easily and joined a deep defense while Marks marked the ball carrier. A complex set of precision blocking freed Stump to blitz cross-field and grab Marks out of the way, allowing Ignorance to push the ball back to center field where defense was lighter. Anger stunned the remaining werewolf, Mike Landon. But Marks surprised everyone with a fierce play, undaunted by the big mass in front of him, he shoved the Troll back--only to realize he was pushing him further into Pact territory. A second, ill-advised shove, and Stump was able to bop him right on the top of the head, KO'ing Marks. Krakuf, glorying in the blood around him, ate the team blitz, and the strung-out Grace and Fire rallied into a tight cage around Ignorance as the receiver pushed the ball down the field. The remaining Norse defense gathered up to jump Blookums, attempting to push the big minotaur onto the ball carrier, but to no avail; he stood firm and laughed. Instead, Aurora Sexton, playing through her shrunken muscles, stunned Arrogance and had a threat on the ball carrier. With nothing to lose and something to gain, Ignorance legged the ball in for an easy touchdown to make the score 1-0. Only one of three norsemen returned from the KO box. But with an arcing, shallow kick, the Crying Game was able to get a quick snap and step away from the vicious Chaos Pact line. With help, Mike Landon isolated Pestilence and shoved the hapless marauder into the stands, but fans were merciful and allowed her to return to her dugout uninjured. Blookums blitzed in to shove the ball carrier down, and the ball scattered off the pitch. That same Chaos-aligned onlooker scooped the ball up, hurling it over the heads of the outnumbered Norse defenders to land between two big bodies: Stump, and Dil. With no time to shove the Yhetee off the ball, Korben Honorhunter jumped in, scooped up the loose ball, and dodged out again, leaving the Norsemen gasping for air. But then Ignorance, feeling its oats, attempted to evade the grasp of the remaining werewolf and found itself a pile of goo on the stands; however, the mystics say the marauder will return for next game. Norsemen marked up the onrushing Chaos Pact ball carrier, but there just weren't enough bodies; Arrogance threw a nasty block to free up Korben, and the stout Skaven rushed in for his seventh career touchdown. Behind 0-2, The Crying Game still couldn't get key player Mimi Marks out of the stun bin. To add insult to injury, Jolie cast spells of deceit and precognition from the sidelines, allowing the Pact team to set up in a perfect defense. With time running down, the norsemen tried a quick pass, but even that didn't work, and the half ended. The second half picked up where the first left off, with the Pact team kicking shallow and stealing a blitz. Although Stump was himself caught off guard, War was able to blitz an opening to the ball, badly hurting Chad Michaels on the way. As marauders flowed through to threaten the ball the rest of the team congratulated the catcher on her first casualty. Finally the Norsemen responded, with Landon controlling the line, but Dil once again decided to flex and growl rather thanb lock people. Aurora Sexton ran in to get the ball, and then decided to sprint it across field solo, going for it twice and falling down not far from Chaos defenders. Blookums wasted no time, KO'ing Wayne Stevens; good blocks elsewhere allowed War to scoop up the ball and chuck a flea-flicker to Plague, waiting near the endzone. But with both Troll and Ogre dumb, the line went uncontrolled, and the norsemen were able to put together a dizzying play. Sexton picked herself up, dodged out, sprinted around defenders (going for it twice) to dauntless up and stun Plague and knock the ball free. Badly outnumbered, Sexton then found herself knocked down, but opted to fall onto the ball, which bounced through Korben, the downed Plague, then finally to space. War, sensing the touchdown but wanting to help her teammate Plague skill up, legged it to get the ball and keep it. Meanwhile at the line, Dil finally got the idea to block, and KO'd Pestilence. Once again the Norse blitzers and catchers put together shenanigans; this time Mimi Marks, still buzzing from the unsavory compound, dodged through two tackle zones to dauntless up against the strengthy War and knock her down. The ball scattered right to the onrushing Marks, but the cocktail made her unable to receive, and after a trip over War's body, it fell to space. Still intent on getting Plague the TD, Korben wrestled down Sexton to clear a pass path. Blookums decided now was the time to pick some lovely begonias for Jolie, rather than make a crucial block, and so War was left to try to blitz out and get the ball. But she was unable to budge the sticky Marks. Norsemen dodged out all over, and Dil and Krakuf engaged in fierce hand-to-hand combat; round one went to Dil, with the Ogre going down stunned. The usually sure-handed War, perhaps still suffering from greased-glove syndrome, pounced on the free ball eagerly onto to have it squib and bounce, luckily into the waiting hands of the kicker, Dread, who was unaccountably downfield. The norsemen continued to try to squirm around the Pact team, but couldn't find an opening, and finally Dread, in frustration with attempting to get Plague the ball, simply oozed the ball into the waiting end zone to make the game 3-0. With the evening wearing on, the stadium owner began turning off the lights; a poor kick from Dread after the marauder had a few too many drinks on the sidelines meant ball-in-hand for the Norsemen, but they were unable to effect much attack. The play started well with blocks stunning Pact team members, and Erica Andrews carrying the ball deep into Pact territory for the first time all game, but then Blookums was able to once again blitz the ball carrier. The ball sprang free, where War and Arrogance combined in ineffectual attempts to pry it off the pitch. Meanwhile at the line, Dil decided to pick on someone his own size--tiny Lucky the goblin renegade. Lucky for lucky, the nasty Yhetee was unable to do more than shove him around as the stadium owner turned off the last of the lights. Fans chose workman-like Famine as their MVP for Grace and Fire, after her unglamorous but key work at standing in against fearsome werewolves and Yhetee; the marauder spend most of the game either locked up with the giant Dil, or on her back after another wolf attack. She has gone back to hit the gym to learn how to tackle evasive opponents like the Blitzers she faced this game. Meanwhile, Krakuf has mastered the art of grabbing and not letting go. Spiraling expenses were recorded for Grace and Fire. http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-04-20 07:21:05 There were mixed emotions at the conclusion of the Midnight Marauders last game of the season. The 3-2 victory over the Bloodland Boarbashaz was clearly a reason to rejoice, as the Marauders furthered their legacy as one of the best teams the DMBBL has seen to date. But the disappointment of MM fans with the inability of the team to provide another undefeated season weighed heavily on the post-game atmosphere. The feeling that the glory days were past was manifested in the removal of former team captain #1, Lucius Soulgrinder, from the active roster. Soulgrinder, who captained for the first two seasons of the team's existence, was severely injured in the upset loss to the Michigan J. Frogs. Head Coach and Team Owner Cody made the call after the Boarbashaz game to cut Soulgrinder from the lineup and hire a fresh-faced rookie by the name of Xaul Xan. However, much to the delight of the Marauders' fans, Cody recently made the announcement that he would be stepping down as Head Coach following the post-season matches. Cody was quoted as saying: "After long and thoughtful deliberation, I have decided to relinquish my position as Head Coach of the Midnight Marauders following the playoff season. To this end, I am appointing Lucius Soulgrinder as the new Head Coach for the Midnight Marauders for the next season. Lucius is an experienced Blood Bowler and a very practical Dark Elf with a good head for plays and a great reputation amongst the players. He is a born leader and I am confident that he will lead this team to only victory in the seasons to come." As his first act as Head Coach, Soulgrinder submitted his recommendation to Cody that Dax the Deathdealer be made the team's Defensive Coach which was promptly accepted. When asked about this sudden reversal of the power structure in the Midnight Marauders, Team Captain, and arch-nemesis of Lucius Soulgrinder, Khadar Darkheart had no comment. http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-04-19 22:23:47 Ace of Hearts card is awesome. http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-04-19 21:59:31 Okay Coaches, it is award voting time! Time for us to acknowledge those Coaches, teams and players that have have an amazing Season in the DMBBL.... Check out www.dorkamorka.com/forum for all the details! http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-04-18 19:30:13 In the post game press conference after the decisive and final game of the DMBBL Season III Regular Season Schedule, Coach Nameless took a moment to recognize one of his players, Team Captain David Terrrell. "David's been the key to victory for this team all season. To have him stand amongst his peer players and be the most accomplished star in DMBBL History with more TDs, MVP awards, and other in game accomplishments than has ever been achieved by a player is truly rewarding for us all. Such a big heart in a small player. Congrats David! You are almost a living legend!" Terrrell's Frrrog teammates were all moved by the recognition, rare in the Nameless Partners Limited™ family of teams. Congrats to Mr Terrrell! - Kerrrmit the Frrrog Reporting. http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-04-17 22:08:26 Spiraling Expenses Recorded. http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-04-17 22:01:15 Thanks to the tireless efforts of our very own Coach Jeremy, things should be back in order after a site update. However, a few things: The site's been updated to the latest version of the OBBLM. This means aesthetics and such will be in disarray for a brief period. Coaches should check the roster page for each one of their teams. If there is a yellow highlight on each team member's Mv, Ag, St, and AV, it is because of this newer version of the OBBLM trying to reconnect with the previous databases. A quick fix is to find the match-up report for the last game of that team, and simply re-save it. Also, coaches should double check values for any games played in the last week. I will be editing the aesthetics and content of the site for the next week or so, but if you spot any glaring problems or omissions, let me know via PM (Lucyth). Thanks for your patience, Cody http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-04-14 22:58:32 Dear Coaches, Currently the DMBBL website is experiencing technical difficulties. There seems to be a few errors cropping up here and there, especially with recording data. I'd advise all coaches to double check their teams to make sure that their current rosters accurately reflect the match reports. Please report any errors and the details to me (Lucyth) if you run into any problems. At the moment I am aware of the "BIGINT UNSIGNED value is out of range" message being displayed. As always, I'll do my best to fix this ASAP. Thanks! Cody http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-04-12 21:55:14 Thuggernaut fucking killed a guy. Unnamed Maurader, the only Warhound in franchise history to score a touchdown will be greatly missed. http://dorkamorka.com/bloodbowl 2012-04-12 21:52:04